Ladies we all go through this pain at least once in our time when we wind up dating a Gamer. At some point they get addicted to a game and it becomes the focus of their life and all their free time. With the creation of MMOBA games this has become a well known problem in relationships. Most of us just shrug it off, fire up some game to fill the hours away while the non gamer girls most of the time freak out and post how their boyfriend’s a jerk on facebook for attention leading up to the eventual and very public breakup.
Unfortunately a good friend of mine who for the sake of privacy I will call her Jane had not have the pleasure of this until she started dating Max (not his real name of course). Jane is a gamer she loves to play Stardew valley, and such. She hadn’t truly dated a Gamer until she met Max. Max is a great guy, but like most men they just get into something and it becomes their thing, be it football, soccer, baseball, hockey or MMOBA. Max got introduced to League of Legends by a good friend of his that plays as well. Max got hooked and now spent his time talking to fellow players, checking the champion rotations, watching the esports streams,and learning the best way to min/max the champions he played.
At first Jane was ok with Max diving into the proverbial deep end of the ocean but she didn’t realize that Max has sunk down into the Mariana Trench as well. When Max played League Jane would hop onto some game or we’d do some co-ops until Max was done playing or she wanted to do something else. All was good and well until Max’s focus on the game bled into their non-gaming time. It came to a head when they were attending the baptism of Jane’s nephew. Jane’s Brother-in-law was a friend of Max and Max was picked to be the Godfather. While standing at the altar (I’m not religious so i call the front of the chapel the altar) Max was on his smartphone watching the League of Legends international championships. Needless to say her parents were not pleased and Jane well she was just a bit upset.
Here is where I got called in, Jane and I met up for lunch. When she told me the horror story about the baptism, I laughed at Max’s antics. Jane wasn’t mad that I did she has known me for years. She then asked me the obvious question: ‘What can I do to get him to not be so obsessed with this game?’
I gave Jane the following suggestions:
- Do not complain or yell at your boyfriend about his gaming. Remember the old saying ‘cooler heads prevail’ well it does. When he’s not playing just sit and have a serious talk with him. Do not make it petty like a “you spend more time with fakes girls than you do me.” complaint be a mature adult when you talk to him. Express your concern that his gaming is affecting your communication and your intimacy.
- Make one night a week your date night. No phones no games unless it’s a two player game you both agree on. Go see a movie on a cheap seat night, go out to dinner, attend a concert, get together with some friends for a board game night, etc.
- Make the bedroom the bedroom only! Do not allow gaming to go on in the bedroom when you are both in the bed, all devices are silent and charging, this will help you get some sexy time in.
For those of you in a Non-gamer/Gamer relationship here is some advice:
- Respect that your other half will play video games. They are not doing it to avoid you or get out of something. It’s a hobby it’s something they enjoy, while they’re in a game please do not try to have a conversation with them. Give them their space, we all need some me time once in awhile.
- Date nights, I cannot stress this idea enough. They are great to help couples reconnect and remember why they love the person they are with.
- Let your gamer have their gaming den. This way they are out of the way and have a place where they won’t disturb you and you won’t disturb them.
- Offer your gamer snacks and drinks sometimes we forget to hydrate and refuel ourselves during intense games.
Main thing above all is that you respect one another and accept there’s going to be some hobbies you and your other half don’t connect on, but that’s going to happen as long as you respect that fact then it should be smooth sailing for you both.