In a turn of events that can only be described has “stupid”, CEO of Microsoft, Bill Gates, has announced that Halo 5: Guardians will now be released on rival Sony’s current generation console. When asked why at a press conference in Houston, TX, Bill said ” I was getting tired of keeping Halo as an Xbox exclusive. All of the money we would get by releasing it on PlayStation and all the free press I am now getting is great for Microsoft. Why keep all of this to ourselves!” He also is quoted as saying “Hell, I don’t even care about making money anymore. I am one of the richest people in the world. It don’t get much more gangster than this!” After stating this, he jumped into his hovercraft and rode off into a sea of money.
As many know, the Halo storyline follows Master Chief, a Spartan soldier who loves a blue computer lady and hates deep space. Little did we all know, this story is actually a metaphor for the life of Bill Gates himself. When asked about it, Gates stated “What can I say? I love blue women. Avatar was the greatest movie of all time for just that reason. Also, I hate aliens. Win/win situation for the Halo series; the material writes itself.” With the release of Halo: Guardians coming in late October, we an look forward to the 76GB first day patch and the “Build a Bill” feature that comes exclusively to PlayStation. In this mode, we can make the actual hero of the Halo series, Bill Gates, look even cooler with face tattoos and long, golden hair. You can even decide what charity Bill will donate his multi-billion dollar fortune to!
Be sure to check out Halo 5: Guardians coming out for Xbox One, PlayStation 4 and Sega Genesis.
Also, APRIL FOOLS from us at Mammoth Gamers!